Envy

Why can't I have been born into a wealthy family? A family that has an honourable name in society?  A family that can set me up for a bright and successful future?
Why wasn't I a different race? Born into a different country or culture? Why do I live where I currently do?
Why can't my job be in another industry? Why can't I make millions like athletes or celebrities?
Why do I have to work where I do? Why do I live in an apartment where my upstairs neighbour stomps while walking?
Why can't I have more talent to which I can earn a lot of money?
Why do I live in a country with snow? Why do I have bags under my eyes? Why .....why....why?

There are many whys that run through my mind at various times and scenarios in my life. I hate being ungrateful but it's one of my many faults I have been working on. My ingratitude towards God stems from my envious nature. It truly is rottenness to my bones as when a self pitied thought enters my mind it can consume me for a while. I hate it. It steals my joy and peace of mind, but enter the word of God! The word is truly a two edged sword that slashes these stupid thoughts into pieces.
I'm sure there are others who agree with my daily struggle. But that's just it, it's daily and destroying these thoughts is not a one time event, it's a continuous battle in which we must slay envy at the first rearing of it's ugly head.
My goal is to be like Philippians 4:11 "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."

I love that this verse says "I have learned" because it is a learning process to deal with envy. I have not conquered it nor am I close but I know where my strength will come from and it's the only thing in life that is meant to build me up for better and not for worse. God's word is real, honest and practical.

If you too suffer from envy take courage that God will help you learn to overcome and be content in your situation.

It's been so long

It sure has been a long time since I've posted anything. Not because I gave up on God but mostly because I forgot I had this blog going, lol.
God is God. That's the thought I am meditating on right now. I have been having some difficulty having a second child and its been quite a spiritual battle. I have periods where I give it all to God and then though envy and dreadful thoughts, I take it back and worry myself crazy.
Let go and let God, though it's been quoted quite a bit, it's such a powerful statement. We must take all those things that are bogging us down and stealing our joy in Christ and let it go, not giving up on it but giving it over to God.
God is God, he will do what is best for us. I have started to realize that I do not know myself as well as I thought and as a result, who better to hold my future in his hands but God himself.
I have been focusing on Acts and just how amazing the faith of people like Paul and Peter truly was. I want faith like that because God is God.
I hope to continue to post, as long as I don't forget, to progress my attempt to trust God more in 2014.
Psalms 34:8-O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.
I don't think I trust God as much as I should. Why should I worry that my husband has lost his job for the second time within a year? So what if I have been trying for a second child for 3 years now? So what if my father and mother have disowned me?
God is God and I want to trust in him as much as I possibly can.
I hope to document this progress. Trust in the Lord!